fighting.

Is it possible that I have a few quiet minutes to myself during the day? My husband took the big kids to AWANAS tonight and all three of my littles are asleep...which is glorious for me in this moment, but, it's also 5pm. Which means tonight may not be so glorious. But, I'll take it now!

Where do I begin? So many things and thoughts to process and ramble about. We have been so blessed lately by the generosity of the people who surround us. So many dear people who have given their time, their money, their homes, their resources, their support for us. It means so much. Adoption can be a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings and situations, especially when fundraising because the mountain that is in front of us feels so big. So impossible. It IS impossible for us to move it alone- and there have been weeks where nothing moves. And doubt creeps in. But then we receive a note of encouragement in the mail. We receive a free bed for O. Someone who reads this blog (who I don't know) gets in touch with me and donates to our auction. Little fundraisers are adding up. A few more envelopes are filled and each "small" thing just continues to fan the flame and keeps us moving and believing.

(warning, real human feelings below!)
We were approved for a Both Hands project, we were last time as well but we didn't have time to do it because we traveled so soon. Adam and I are reading it late in the week and it requires more help from our people, our community. And I sigh and feel like we've already asked so much of everyone. Can't the Lord just rain it down on our doorstep without us having to beg people and plead and sell things? But then I am reminded that this is warfare. Absolutely a spiritual war that makes adoption so hard, because the is nothing more that the devil wants then for us to give up. For Olive to remain an orphan and for us to go about our daily happy comfy lives. Because the enemy knows that adoption is the Lord's heart and that he is passionate about it- so he is going to fight us for all we have to get us to stop, and if he can use money(the lack of) he will try. He will try anything.

But we aren't giving up. My fingers may be sore from making signs for our auction, my mind may be partially fried after filling out over 100 pages of grant applications all asking the same thing in different ways and writing 5 different essays. My pride may be shredded to nothing after asking and asking and asking and begging and advertising and hosting trying to raise funds. We won't give up, we know that this battle is the Lords and that he's already won it. 

The Lord doesn't lose. Olive has a family and he knows how this will all come to be!